Anonymous asked: (Anon who wasn't trying to be rude) Yeah. I get that you guys give it to people straight. That's why I go to you guys because I know you'll tell me honestly. And I realized I never thanked you guys for that. And I think I'm speaking for alot of people when I say that your honest answers really do help. Thank you to all of you.
I like you, anon.
And thank you! It’s really nice when people write telling us our answer helped, or follow up stories. I know it makes my day. And I really appreciate you stating your point, I stating mine, and it being civil. Heh, sadly if the other person starts to puff up, bitch mode activates and shows why I’d suck at debate. XD And thank you for voicing your opinion! I like people having them.
Okay, I’m rambling now. But in short, your welcome! Even if we sound annoyed (but generally are not) there is a reason we spend so much time blog. And that reason isn’t masochism. So yeah.
Okay, ramble over maybe.
Anonymous asked: I get that you guys get tired of repetitive questions but the way you are answering people makes it seem like you could not care less. I'm not trying to sound mean or bitchy. So please don't think that. But, to me, it sounds like you guys are getting tired of trying to help. I know that's not your intention. But it may seem that way to others. I'm sorry if this offends you in any way at all. I don't mean to.
Don’t worry, it’s usually pretty hard to offend me. I think one of the reasons we (I) sound uncaring is because on most “advice” blogs such as ours end up being really cheerful, “ily, stay strong, darling it’ll be okay, blah blah” and such types where there are more clichés and fluff than actual “advice”? Hell, I barely consider this to be an advice blog. It’s more like a “k, me and some awesome bitches have a website and we give personal opinions on what ever people fancy to ask” blog. We tend not to sugar coat or fluff things, and I refuse to purposely touch one of those popular empty phrases if I can. People expect that. At least on tumblr. It’s common and I think what they want to hear. I answer exactly how I would if a friend asked me the same question: with my opinion and any knowledge I have on the subject. Nothing more or less, generally. So our lack of caring attitude you may see is simply an absence of positively or happiness and those annoying stereotypical stay strong phrases. Or what ever you wish to call it.
Actually, it’s my personality more than anything. But highly toned down. With less snark than normal. Much less.
Heh, I think I/we get an ask like this every other week. Usually directly at me or Adrienne actually. I think our new followers get caught off guard by this cavalier unvarnished attitude whereas our older followers know it’s par for the course. How we answer isn’t everybody’s cup of tea. Which is fine! Some people want fluff, some just want it straight. I like to think we are just giving our straight opinions and knowledge without all the extras or sugar coating. But that’s just me. I’m fairly biased.
Anonymous asked: Is it normal to be terrified of someone looking at and touching your scars?
I’d think so. Self harm scars are a highly personal and extremely stigmatised thing. So, yeah.
Anonymous asked: ive been clean for some months but i never felt right or comfortable ever since.. icant even look at my skin anymore.
I assume your scars are bothering you? Their existence and such, I mean.
You can do several things: fade them, or (recommended) learn to accept them. I’d actually go even further and suggesting that you embrace them. Embrace them in the sense of it was a thing, you used to hurt yourself, but that is a thing of the past. It’s not who you are any more, and can actually be seen as a learning experience. They also have this awesome side affect at keeping assholes at bay. People that tend not to be able and understand will not stay in your life for very long.
And remember, just like the actions that caused them, scars are not forever. They are like memories. Most of them will fade over the years as if they were never there, perhaps just a hint, and if you don’t go really looking for them, you won’t find them. Some of the really deep, large ones may still be a little visible as a flesh-toned bump or indentation.
Anonymous asked: So I thought it was a brilliant idea to drink a litre of vodka and cut after being clean for eight months and I'm not entirely sure of how to tell my significant other that I cut myself again any advice?
Our advice on these matters will always be the same: sit them down, be honest, and tell them. Explain what happened and why, perhaps talk to them about ways to keep it from happening again, but just be open and honest with them.
My secondary advice would be to either lay off the alcohol, not drink as much, or make sure your tools are not accessible when you know you’ll be drinking.
Anonymous asked: You guys seem like you're getting annoyed by people's questions..
Why so? Not that your observation is untrue, though. On occasion the repetitiveness does get a bit droll and a lot of questions can be answered with a quick Googling… And it does get a little tedious after a while, which is one of the reasons we are only on every so often rather than everyday. (On top of having a life outside of Tumblr, of course)
Anonymous asked: I know in an ideal world that to not do it at all is the best option, but is it wrong/bad for me to be finding myself planning when my next self-harming "session" will be?
I don’t think it’s bad or wrong. Some people are just more… ritualised? And some are very impulsive. I for one am almost never impulsive and will decide several days in advance when or if I choose to self harm, where, and often how many incisions.
The good thing about people that tend to plan sessions is that its easier to either stop or wean off of self harm. Planning takes control and it takes control to over come urges. So there is that.
Anonymous asked: Ugh, for fucks sake. I'm so hated. I just lost a follower after sending them a message saying they could talk to me if they needed too, since theyd only just written a post saying they were sick of having no one to talk to. I'm just so fucking useless. Not even my own kind (sad/alone) can stand me. Just kill me already.
Some people feel uncomfortable with people meandering up to their asks and saying “you can talk to me if you need to.” Just becuase somebody says that they are lonely or no body talks to them, doesn’t mean it’s in invitation. Often it’s just a catharsis. I personally do not like people telling that to me.
One could start off by just going “Hey, what’s up” and often times people are more prone to answer when that person is on anon. *shurgs*
Losing a follower doesn’t mean you are hated. They may not like your content. I tend to quickly unfollow anybody that posts lots of those give a way things. I don’t hate them, I just hate their spaming. (though, I do read when the giveaway is over, bookmark their url if I liked them otherwise and follow them back later, but yeah)
Just becuase people don’t feel social, doesn’t make you a failure. It just makes them not up for conversation.
And on top of that, putting value in your follower count is never a good thing.
Anonymous asked: I'm invisible and I need people to notice me
There is something to be said for saying “HEY. NOTICE ME.”
Or doing things to get you noticed. Just, don’t be a dick about these things. Purposely strike up conversations. Be loud BUT not obnoxious. Dress colourfully, fashionably, and or crazily. Be adventurous. Be out there.
And there is nothing wrong with asking for some attention. Gods knows it actually works.
Anonymous asked: I don't know if this is a stupid question or not but do you have to hit a vein to get nerve damage or pain?
um no you feel pain even if you don’t break skin don’t you -Melody
Pain is caused by very little. That is why simple injuries can hurt.
Nerve damage on the other hand is caused by damaging your nerves. Obviously. There are several types of nerve damage and they all have different symptoms. Some are minor and can cause temporary numbness while it fixes it’s self, some completely sever the nerves, some cause lots of pain. And the list goes on. I am not yet an MD and am too lazy to do a thesis’s worth of research on the matter.
However, I can say it’s unlikely that you will acquire (major) nerve damage from cutting. While surface nerves are often severed when there is an injury to the flesh such as cuts and punctures, the typical nerve damage I think you are asking about would require extremely deep cuts. Cuts that would sever tendons, require stitches, and the very high probability of bleeding to the point of unconsciousness and death if not closed quickly. Or some combination of those.
If you are going to cut… the wrist is the WORST place to do it as the skin is thin and even the surface vessels can be pretty substantial on top of their being little fat to protect the tendons and the nerves. You can fuck up your hands for the rest of your life with one cut too deep.
Anonymous asked: To anon: What leads to suicide is like drowning. Being pushed by everything, feeling like you can find happiness there. You are in water. Deeper and deeper. And then you can't see the surface while you feel plants around your limbs. Unable to move, breathe, say a word. Is there way out? No. You can keep on fighting with plants which is useless, they will remain. Searching for surface not knowing where it was. Endlessly. Or end the pain. Selfish? I hope you'll never get to experience that.
Anonymous asked: Thanks for the answer. But that's still selfish. Didn't really answer the question, you just explained why someone would do it. Not how it isn't selfish
… I told you why someone would how is that not an explanation how can it be selfish when you’re literally handicapped. -Melody
Anonymous asked: Selfish. How is it not?
People turn to suicide out of desperation. As a last resort because they feel so overwhelmed with pain; it crushes them to the point where they can’t even think of getting out because all they can do is grasp at thinning strands of their sanity as they feel themselves being sucked into oblviion. When you’re suicdal all you can feel is your sadness and you feel so helpless; like no one cares and you don’t matter. This isn’t true but you’re so crippled by whatever it is that it impairs your judgement… you turn in on yourself maybe because that’s the only thing left you (think you) can control. Suicide is not right ever, but punishing someone because of it is unfair to them because ou have to realize that there must be something so intensly depressing that drives someone to go through with it. They don’t really mean to hurt anyone but they just need to get away and the depression pushes them into thinking there’s no escape. It does end up causing problems for whoever is left behind but please understand that Suicide is just the final cry for help from someone so broken that they would go against the human instinct of self-preservation and end their life.
Anonymous asked: Sometimes I do serious research on suicide. I'll take down notes, find decent websites, read the warning labels on medicines in the house, and tie a rope into a noose. Then I look at the things that could kill me and simply put them away.
I do the same. My theory is that we find comfort and control in knowing we can just end it anytime we want and that calms us down -Melody
Anonymous asked: I'm trying so hard to stop cutting but every time I get mad or sad I just do it and it sucks cause my boyfriend gets really sad when I do it and I just don't want to hurt him. How can I stop? Or what can I do instead of cutting?
there are so so so so so so so so many things that you can do instead of cutting! we have a bunch under the help links of the blog. - Adrienne