Hi I'm the anon that asked for Ur advice because i be tried everything, I've been to a councillor and my parents and everyone I love no's I sh, I'm trying so hard but I just can't stop
have you tried seeing a psychiatrist or a psychologist? (not just a councillor)
Have you tried the literally thousands of distractions and alternatives we have on our help page?
Have you read any self harm workbooks?
For now, my suggestion is to sit down and figure out what your goals are. Long term, yes you probably want to stop self harming. But make several short term goals. Instead of trying to stop completely, focus on learning how to over come urges and to just self harm less.
Remember that it’s okay to take things slowly. Perhaps you are trying to take on too much too fast. Slow and steady.
Work on your coping skills.
Also, it’s one thing for the people in your life to know you self harm, but it’s another for them to be actively involved in your recovery. The next time you feel the urges coming up, the first thing you should do is go talk to your parents or call a friend. Keep them informed on what is going on, if you need help, and how they can help (if you have ideas).
However, the MOST important thing is dealing with what is causing these feelings that make you want to self harm. Self harm (as with other addictions) are merely a symptom or side effect of a larger problem or mental disorder. Self harm is as to sniffles, as mental illness as to the flu.
Hey I'm a cutter and I'm really worried about how to stop. Any advice ?
…Are you the same person asking multiple questions? You sound like it…
At anyrate, what specifically is causing these fears? Are your attempts unsuccesful? Worried and unable to start recovery? Be more specific and detailed so we can actually give you some advice.
I suggest you start here.
Also (I'm the anon who just sent the ask about the slightly gape-y cut below hipbone) ive decided once and for all to try and stop self harming (I mean I know I'll probably relapse oncce or twice but) any advice for that?
First off, it’s best to not be so sure about those relapses — ther ARE people who don’t! Remain optimistic (: Telling yourself you’ll relapse early on doesn’t help things. You’re basically pre-conditioning yourself to fail.
Sit down and think of why you want to stop. You have to make it very clear to yourself so you know your reasons and when you feel like relapsing you can hold on to these thoughts, somewhat like inspiration. It would be nice if you could write them down well and post it somewhere you can see it all the time. Make it cool looking so you’ll like looking at it! :D Another thing I’ve thought of is making a reward system for yourself (ie for every <insert period of time here> you’ll get to watch another episode of a series, or or if you go really long you can get a new one! You can adapt it to whatever fandom you’re in, or whatever else intersts you. Depends on you, make it something that will motivate you ^-^). Supportive family and friends is also an option, so you have cheerleaders (they can also be your inspiration) but be wary of people who make you promise to not cut… the added pressure can actually make you want to cut and then you’ll feel guilty and be so conflicted you cut. It becomes a viscious cycle. Just don’t get into it and if someone asks you to do that for them just explain that you’re trying your best and you’d really appreciate it if they just support you. (If you haven’t told them yet and you want to, check out our FAQ).
Some people go cold turkey. Completely get rid of the instruments (give them to a friend [you’ll never get them back, plus when you’re desparate and need help you simply need to tell them you need them. till won’t give ‘em but there, they know you’re not doing so good] this is only reccommended if you have really supportive friends) dispose of them permanently, freeze them in a plastic in ice so when you feel like SHing it stalls you and you can find something else to distract you (we have a master list in our FAQ), basically stop abruptly. You can always keep a few as a safety blanket as some do but I don’t reccommend it. There have been lots of times I almost relapsed and I was saved by the fact that there was absolutely nothing to cut with. You feel kinda panicky sometimes but you’ll learn to steel yourself away from the urge unfulfilled and move on (which is an important skill in the long run).
If you’re not ready for it, you can try tapering off; cutting less and less frequent, less depth, basically just like gearing up to completely stop. You can go as gradual as you want. You can even do that rubber band thing if you think that’ll help.
If you do relapse, remember that it is not the end and that all these trials just make success so much sweeter. Relapse can teach you a lot, like what triggered you so you can avoid it and methods of distraction that work for you. Don’t give up! No matter how many times you have to start over doesn’t mean you’re weak or a failure. It’s just like starting to swim. You’ll leave the edge and go back to the edge as many times you need until you’re comfortable but slowly you’ll learn to control yourself… and there are no losses, only learnings. The fact that you keep on going shows your strength.
Doesn’t matter if you are a child or a grown up, what matters is; as long as you’re moving towards one point or another. The point to live isn’t being grown up but to BE growing. The point is to be Changing. Whether you are a child or adult, as long as you’re shifting towards new perspective, then you are moving. And if you are not, you’re just sitting still, a stationary blip to the processes that offer learning, knowledge and life.—Matt Davis (aka 2 The Ranting Gryphon)
Hey I'm a cutter and I'm really struggling rn, I've tried everything but nothing works. I'm scared I'll never get better. Any advice ?
You can never say “everything” becuase there will always be at least one path you have not taken or know.
This is so… horribly vague that there isn’t much I can say for you besides the ussual. So…
Please visit our help page and FAQ. Read through everything you can find.
If you haven’t spoken to your parents/guardians, a councillor, or a doctor about what is going on and how you feel, you really need too.
And, you can get better. It may take a few months, years, or decades, but you can get better. Life is constant motion. Nothing ever stays the same for very long.
Are you guys ever triggered by questions asked?
I personally am not triggered by anything, but I can’t speak for everybody.
*resend* Okay so I'm not sure if I have an eating disorder or not. I still eat, because I know that if I don't, I will pass out when I excersise, which I do fairly often, although my doctor says I don't eat enough. Also, I get severe anxiety when I have to eat in front of other people. When I have to eat in front of other people (school, restraunts, ect.) I feel like everyone is watching me eat and thinks I'm a fat pig. I am by no means underweight, and am close to being over. Do I have an ED??
Thank you for resending and asking if the former ask was okay. That was a good thought from you!
Sadly, we are no professionals, so we are NOT allowed to Diagnose. And we cant diagnose, actually.
But what i can say, is: it SOUNDS like things you described me are symptoms of an ED. You maybe want to check the diagnose criteria of an ED? (I would make you a list, or at least give you a link, but im on my mobile phone. So sorry )
Also: YES, being underweight IS actually a criteria for anorexia, but that DOES NOT mean that you cant have an eating disorder, or that your disordered eating isnt as bad as from someone underweight.
!!TRIGGER WARNING, NUMBERS MENTIONED!!
Lets take a look at person A and person B.
Both have the exact same height and both suffer from an eating disorder. Both do their unhealthy way of losing weight exactly identicly and both lose the same amount of weight in the same timespawn.
Lets say 25 pounds (11kg) within 5 weeks.
Person A has a starting weight of 110 pounds (50kg) and ends after those 5 weeks with a weight of 85 pounds (38~kg). A gets diagnosed with anorexia because A is underweight now.
Person B has a starting weight of 200 pounds (91~kg) and ends after those 5 weeks and exactly the same behavior with a weight of 175 pounds (79,5kg). B does not get an anorexia diagnosis because B is not underweight.
But B had the same behavior like A and probably damaged its body the same way.
Long story Short: the weight is a criteria, yep- but at this point it doesnt matter.
Im fact, B maybe caused more damage to itself than A did. I read many articles about oveeweight woman almost dying because of their starvation.
!!!TRIGGER WARNING END!!!
so, i would highly suggest you to talk to your doctor about your problems with yourself and food! :)
I was such a mess a year ago. I really was about to give up on this life. I was totally alone. But then suddenly I found some extra power inside me to fight in this battle with my mind. It didn't happen in a moment or magically easy. Now I go to the university, doing sport and living my life. I don't say my life is perfect, but since I recovered I became strong as hell. All my life is ahead of me and my past is my teacher. Recovery is possible,guys. And it worth trying again and again.
<3 This owl perfectly sums up my feelings on this
Do you answer all questions? I sent one 4/5 days ago & still havent got an answer:/
Yes, we answer all asks, BUT they need to fit into the shp blogging policy ( link under faq ). But usually we mention when we delete an ask.
Sometimes tumblr eats asks.
And sometimes, yeah the admins dont feel like answering asks or dont know how to answer some.
To the anon who sent this question with being happy for not “doing it” and sad at the same time (sh-related) please resend. I think your message was triggering at some point since i dont want to give other the feeling of a competition :)
What can I do at school to help distract me when I am triggered?
Actually, i would suggest you to look at our help page under alternative list and list some things out for you that are possible to do for you and you also like :)
For me personally, i started to draw a few pictures, or i used these spikey-balls (for massage stuff) to play with them a bit :)
- Focus on what your teacher is saying
- ask your teacher questions on the topic, even if you understand it
- go to the bath room and work on a short breathing excercise
- go see your councillor
- draw in the margin of your notes
- softly snap a rubberband or hair tie against your skin
- put extra effort into making your notes detailed and organised
- sneak listen to music
- try to compose a song in your head
Hi, I've been taking anti depressants for some weeks and seeing a type of counsellor occasionally. I leave the sessions never feeling better, is this at all normal? Could it just not be for me? I've been doing this for a while now. When I leave my
Counselor I feel frustrated and embarrassed and ashamed and weak. I hate myself. I can feel it getting bad again, I keep relapsing badly and I just feel horrible inside, I don’t know who to tell. Today I asked every friend I could think of to see—
(we never got another part to this)
Councillors are generally for minor problems, so that could be part of the issue here.
If you have a serious mental illness then you should be seeing a clinical psychologist or a therapist. And if a GP is the one that prescribed you the antidepressants, then you should get a referral to a psychiatrist.
Antidepressants take time. Some people don’t experience any changes for up to 6 weeks depending on dosage. That being said, if you have questions about your medication, you should take that up with the doctor that prescribed them. We are not doctors, nor are we you doctors, so yeah.
Therapy can be complex. Sometimes you feel worse after coming out of a session depending on what happened or if it was intense. But if you are consistently coming out of your sessions feeling worse, then I highly suggest that you see somebody else. You might not click with your councillor. You might be surprised to know how common a problem that is. Not all people click with all people. Mental health professionals understand that this is a thing, so don’t worry about them not understanding or being offended if you feel this is the case for you.
Your medication may not be working well for you either.
So here are my suggestions for you:
- Get an actual psychologist or at least a new councillor. But honestly I suggest seeing a clinical psychologist or therapist rather than a councillor.
- See your GP/psychiatrist and ask them about your meds. Tell them that they are not working for you and you’d like to try something else or try upping the dosage.
- Consider trying inpatient therapy or partial inpatient at your local hospital.
This isn't directly related to self harm...but I've been feeling extremely lonely lately, I have a great set of friends and a lovely family, but a boy hasn't liked me in years and I'm trying to remind myself that it doesn't matter but I still feel sad about it :(
I hope you don’t take the following the wrong way, but lemme give you a little personal story.
I’m 20. During elementary I was an outcast becuase I couldn’t speak Spanish and am white (yes, where I live I am actually a minority so shush before you send hate) so everybody ignored me at best and bullied me at worst. Middle school and highschool I went to a magnet school, and while I was no longer vilified, I was still a socially awkward and fat kid that probably should have been allowed to go out in public or dress myself. (Pictures of me from any where before graduation make my cringe) My family is awesome. The friends I made in highschool are just beyond fantastic.
While I had friends, both male and female, I never had a boy/girlfriend or partner of any sorts. I was never given compliments either. I was always the type of person that was fine/nice to befriend, but not the date.
It bothered me. It bothered me for so long and so much. For 19 years that bothered me to the core and so deeply I am still rather affected by it in some ways. As lame as it sounds, the overwhelmingly predominate wish I had/have in my life is to settle down with somebody. It’s always been my hope and goal to be married to whomever it is that I’ll spend my life together with by the time I am 23.
But as I said, I am now 20. Last year I acquired my first partner. I never saw that happening, but it did. I’m planning to move to England to be with that idiot and we are currently “fighting” about whom will propose first and whether or not the words “We are now Borg” will be allowed as vows.
There are a huge amount of contributing factors, but the main one is that I finally… am me. I finally came into myself.
You need to remember two things:
- Give yourself time. These things to happen organically. You may bump into somebody while at the store and hit it off, or a friendship may grow slowly into a relationship. (Me and my partner were actually close friends for three years up till he asked to date me) You want to actively seek a relationship, then do that! But know that whether you are actively seeking or passively waiting these things do take time.
- You need to focus on yourself. As counter intuitive as it sounds, you really should focus your energy on you. Encourage your own growth, get to know yourself, work on getting better, work on being you.
Instead of reminding yourself that it doesn’t matter, remind yourself that not having anybody in love with you doesn’t lower your worth. Remind yourself that not having a partner now doesn’t mean you never will. Remind yourself that things take time. Remind yourself that you are still young, still inexperienced, and still have a world of things to do and people to meet.
Most importantly remind yourself that you are allowed to feel the way you feel, but it’s not going to hold you back in life or love.
Happy Story: I have officially excepted that i'm super cute and super rad despite what people think and i feel so much better :) Also almost 2 months clean!
Awwww yisssss, I’m sure you are super cute and all the adorbs! :D
And congrats on the two months! You are super rad
Part 1 Oh, you changed your look again. Nice. I've been away for a few months... I'm sorry I rarely seem to come back clean. Idk if you remember me, I'm the good news bad news girl with the ld brother and emotionally abusive mother. I'm packing my blades. I know that's bad, but I'm not ready to give them up. I'm trying to find ways so I don't come back home at least. I got in a fight with my mum, about the fact I won't tell her about my therapy appointment. Stupid I know.
Part 2. I’m scared to go to college. My brothers both had terrible experiences and if I fail, I’m stuck at home with my mother. She’s been spoiling more than ever still, but the more she does so, the less I’m capable of taking care of my self when I go. She cried in our brief not even full minute fight. And hugged me (i don’t like hugs w/o permission/warning). She’s so worried about me but I’m sick of it. I just want to leave. It’s also the last time I may see my therapist
Part 3. Not because I plan on killing myself, (-yet-), but because I can’t come up to c her and not c my mother. I’ve actually coming up to means of seeing my best friend who lives a street down without seeing my mother (Idk how to drive so it’s not that easy) I don’t really have a question, I just don’t know how to feel. I have to do this, to live on, and to get to college, but while I’m excited and desperate, I don’t want to leave or be on my own but I do. Idk. I’m a real fuck up mess
I do remember you. Quite well, actually.
Imma try and address everything in order.
Yup, we changed our theme earlier this month! Chi found it, and it’s fantastic.
Don’t apologise! We are here to help you, so coming back to us in time of need is okay.
If you need to take your blades with you, then do so. Sure, it’d be great if you were in a place to leave them, but for now it could be more beneficial to have them than not. Even if you don’t use them. You should try to use alternatives, however. But, if you are not ready to get rid of your blades, then don’t fret about it. It’s more important that you get yourself in a position so that you can dispose of them and it not cause you to lose any progress. You ARE allowed to take your time with such things. Sure, recovery is about doing uncomfortable things, but it’s not going to help you if you try to tackle more than you can handle at the moment.
Getting into a fight with your mother becuase you were looking out for yourself is not stupid. It’s survival. It is horrid that it resulted in a fight but you NEED to look out for you and you alone.
I don’t know if I’ve sent this to you, but I wrote about mental illness and leaving for university. I suggest you give it a read.
And I found this really awesome master post about surviving college. It has all sorts of information that will help you ease into college life and give you tips on everything from how to study to how to relax.
I suggest that one of the first things you do once you get on campus and setting is set up a meeting with the school councillor in social/student services. Give them a heads up, tell them about your worries, ask for advice and hints, etc.
Well, as for the not being dependant enough… kids are never as self sufficient as they think. I think some of the basics you need to know is:
- how to cook basic meals. This means things like speghetti, chicken, mac n cheese, hamburges, ramen, soup, etc.
- how to shop. Learn what is a good deal, how to use and find coupons, know that off brand stuff is just as good as branded most of the time.
- how to wash and fold clothes. Washing machines are SO easy to figure out how to use
- basic knowledge of over the counter medicines and when to take them. Learn what to take when you have a sore throat, or the sniffles, or can’t sleep.
- BUDGETING. Learn how to budget your money and spend it wisely.
there are more but my brain says nope.
Your brother’s failures don’t have to be your own. Just becuase he didn’t do well in school doesn’t mean you won’t. Also you have a strong motivation for why you need to succeed.
Hell, even if school ends horribly for you, that doesn’t mean you need to move back home. Try and get a job! People are always looking for roommates, so do a search for people with open space and go on a rigorous job hunt.
Hmm. I do believe you when you say you wouldn’t be able to see your therapist and not see your mom. So… my suggestion would be that you ask your therapist to a referral. Tell her that once you move to Uni you’ll need somebody closer to campus. And explain why.
I hope you figure out a way to see your friend. If nothing else, try and get her to come over to you place. And if that doesn’t work… well modern times means that you can still communicate via skype, phone, email, facebook, tumblr, etc. So you won’t be completely cut off from your friend.
Just remember that you can keep talking to us if need be. We’ll be here for you, and I hope this helped at least somewhat!